Aimer

I love your hands in my arms
In my back
In my hair
Your lips on mine
You can make me feel so safe
And so adventurous at the same time
I want to cross the ocean for you
We are so different
Black clothes
White shirts
I love to rip your buttons out
I love scratching your back
Making sure you’re mine
And I’m yours.

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time out

i should explain
the reason why i’ve been
looking empty lately
it’s the least i can do

i love you
you know that
and i know that you love me too
and i understand why you would
not want to risk anything

however
it doesn’t hurt less
because to me it felt
like you said you would
not even try to make
this thing between us
work

and i’m unexperienced
naive and stupid
and somehow i believed – i hoped
– you would not think this way
but you did
and i bled
and the red stains the carpet
even now.

i guess something broke in me
the illusion died
the smile faded
i am never able to pretend
everything is 100%
fine

i was unfair
we’re still in the beginning
somehow i forgot that
so i’m sorry i dumped so many expectations
on top of you

but i won’t apologize
for the crazy thoughts
that went through my head
they are mine
the feelings
everything
has my name written all over it
so i won’t say i’m sorry for that.

so right now i just need some time
to organize what i’m feeling
to come to terms with reality
i don’t want to talk about it now
i’m still too hurt for that

so just give me time
and i’ll come back.

Anomie (edited)

The words on this paper
Are the only way I can
Speak about it

So many changes
So many doubts
So many possibilities
So many
Threats

I can’t let you go
But you would let me go
So easily
So readily
At the first sign of a storm

So many mixed signals
Make up your mind
Or you love me
Or you don’t
Don’t say it without meaning

I need you so much
I love you so much
I hate you so much

You don’t know
How much blood
You spilled from my heart
You don’t believe
You killed the dream
Was it only mine?
Were you out of it?
How can I believe the words
You said before?

I know it’s the truth
But your words
They hurt anyway

How can I ever trust you again?
How can I give myself to you
The way I wanted to
Ever again?

The only thing I wanted
Was for you to say
“We can try.”
But this never even
Was considered.

I can’t bring myself to care if I’m
Exaggerating
Or in the wrong

I just want to go back
And stop myself from
Putting so much trust
Putting so many expectation
On you.

Not okay

Thank you for telling me the truth
Thank you for showing me
How differently we see this thing
Between us

But
It doesn’t make it hurt less
It doesn’t make it okay
I’m not okay
I’m not okay

You destroyed my view
A whole castle came down on me
I guess I was giving this
More importance than it was worth

How can I fight for us
If you’re not in it with me?
I’m still waiting for you
To take those words back
And say you’re sorry
How pathetic I am
I’m just a stupid girl
Who thought she could recognize love

You were sincere
But sometimes I wish you just lied
So this bliss wouldn’t be broken
So we could have a chance
Did you never hear the saying
“Fake before you make it?”
What’s so wrong with believing
It could work out?
Are you that afraid of hurting?
With your ice sharp words
You killed a dream
So cruelly
Don’t you feel any guilt?

Every time I see you
The moment is stained
You stabbed through
Wearing a white shirt
But the red is everywhere.

you wouldn’t say i’m a very strong person
but you could say i’ve had my share
of misfortunes and trippings
i’ve been to very strange places
this is not something new

but now i have a love in my hands
and it may break if i let it fall
so what to do when it’s at risk
of dripping right through my fingers
do i let it fall?

will you let it fall?
will you leave if i say
this is about to get
so much more complicated
than it was before?
will you accompany me?
will i have to get used
to not seeing you again?
will you stay?

i know i can be alone
i have a spirit strong enough to bear
a broken heart

but not knowing is hard
even more when so much is at stake
i know i can survive
but without you i’ll be hard to go on living
so tell me you’ll fight with me
to protect our love.

Key

Each day is like a wave,
passing by me endlessly…
It’s been some time since i saw you,
since i felt you in me,
and now my walls are made of ice
(not so easily breakable).
Are we still the same we were
before the chill took over?
Will we ever meet again?
I wonder when this cold will end.
Come find me,
save me from this ice castle!
Take me in your arms
and make me remember who I am…
When you’re away,
nothing is right…
So come for me.
I’m begging you,
I can’t bear this space between us…!
Come for me…
I’ll let you in.
I can’t stay without you any longer…
I’ll give you the key
if you come for me.

insurance

i love you, you know, and

i’m super scared of

the feeling that you 

provoke every time

you look at my eyes and

tell me you love me. 

i’m scared of the feeling i get 

everyone you go silent

but tell me everything 

is fine. 

i can’t bring myself 

to believe it. 

i’m scared of when 

you shut yourself down.

but, as scared as i am,

i have to ask you something 

do not lie to me,

do not break my heart. 

because i love you, but 

i’ve lived alone for so long

that i know exactly what to do

if things go wrong. 

don’t take me wrong,

it was a necessary guarantee

for me to be secure 

in the knowledge that

i can survive 

without you. 

yes, it is exactly what an 

insecure person would do. 

but i, as an insecure girl,

needed to be reassured 

by myself, so that 

i have somewhere to go,

if (when?) my primary 

destination

is no longer you. 

but be sure that i truly do

i love you.