sometimes i close my eyes while laying down
and i imagine i am going back in time
to see those walls again
wear that uniform again
my old school
my eyes roaming over the floor overflowing with tears
missing my lost youth
maybe i should have done more
maybe i shouldn’t have done so much
maybe i should have known
but how could i have ever known
how much i would miss it
the innocence, the potential
the point between nothing and nowhere where everything is possible
any choice i could have made
so i daydream
thinking about all the things i would do differently
thinking about all the people i could’ve met
and then i come crashing down from the high
i’m here, 24 years old
it’s much too late now.
I was looking at old photos again. It seems that, everytime something major in my life is changing, I get this urge to look at old pictures and compare that time with the present, and also imagine what it would be like to travel to the past and what I would change. I know I can’t go back and stop certain things from happening, or do things I wish I had done before. But this exercise makes me remember who I am now and why. Everything that I’ve been through.
Now as I’m in a phase of transformation, of endings, of begginings, I feel this urge more than ever. I often catch myself thinking about high school and the freshman year in college, meditating about all the people I’ve met and had to let go, and all the achievements I reached.
But today I feel differently… Like some of the things in my life have come full circle.
In the past, I always used to worry about being alone forever. Now I know I’m never going to be alone. Even if I end up living completely by myself, I’ll never be alone, because my friends and family will always stay in my heart. Their love will never leave me. The happy memories will also be here, they’re engraved in the stars, never to disappear.
So now I’m feeling nostalgic and, at the same time, hopeful.
Here’s to tomorrow.