what if

sometimes i close my eyes while laying down

and i imagine i am going back in time

to see those walls again

wear that uniform again

my old school

my eyes roaming over the floor overflowing with tears

missing my lost youth

maybe i should have done more

maybe i shouldn’t have done so much

maybe i should have known

but how could i have ever known

how much i would miss it

the innocence, the potential

the point between nothing and nowhere where everything is possible

any choice i could have made

so i daydream

thinking about all the things i would do differently

thinking about all the people i could’ve met

and then i come crashing down from the high

i’m here, 24 years old

it’s much too late now.

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Full circle

I was looking at old photos again. It seems that, everytime something major in my life is changing, I get this urge to look at old pictures and compare that time with the present, and also imagine what it would be like to travel to the past and what I would change. I know I can’t go back and stop certain things from happening, or do things I wish I had done before. But this exercise makes me remember who I am now and why. Everything that I’ve been through.

Now as I’m in a phase of transformation, of endings, of begginings, I feel this urge more than ever. I often catch myself thinking about high school and the freshman year in college, meditating about all the people I’ve met and had to let go, and all the achievements I reached.

But today I feel differently… Like some of the things in my life have come full circle.

In the past, I always used to worry about being alone forever. Now I know I’m never going to be alone. Even if I end up living completely by myself, I’ll never be alone, because my friends and family will always stay in my heart. Their love will never leave me. The happy memories will also be here, they’re engravedĀ in the stars, never to disappear.

So now I’m feeling nostalgic and, at the same time, hopeful.

Here’s to tomorrow.