what if

sometimes i close my eyes while laying down

and i imagine i am going back in time

to see those walls again

wear that uniform again

my old school

my eyes roaming over the floor overflowing with tears

missing my lost youth

maybe i should have done more

maybe i shouldn’t have done so much

maybe i should have known

but how could i have ever known

how much i would miss it

the innocence, the potential

the point between nothing and nowhere where everything is possible

any choice i could have made

so i daydream

thinking about all the things i would do differently

thinking about all the people i could’ve met

and then i come crashing down from the high

i’m here, 24 years old

it’s much too late now.

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3 am

there is a

weird stillness

comforting darkness

in the early hours

there is an

anticipation

for the rising gold

let my spirit be set free

on those empty streets

driving away

my sorrows

Follow the destiny

The weapons were glinting

In the rain, at night

As they came marching on

Without stopping for breath

And the chant was given

And I observed that time

While wishing and wondering

If I’ll ever be free from that

If I’ll ever just be myself

Not someone’s daughter

Honor means nothing

In front of freedom

i am not what you think

do not talk as if you know me

do not talk as if you are more

than me, than my story,

than my experiences

we are not the same

but we are not better or worse

just different

you love to assume

assume i’m quiet because i’m weak

assume i’m an airhead because i like to dress up

but every time you assume

you lose a piece of me

and i see how much

i don’t need you

so stop underestimating me.

sunrise

i spent so long in the dark

and now that i am out again

the sun blinds my skin

and i wonder how can i

gather all these pieces

how do i fix

all this mess i’ve left behind

but the blue screams so loudly

inside my heart

screeching “you have to rise”

and it’s overwhelming

and the sun burns my eyes

and my strength has left me

oh brightness

how you hurt me

but

please don’t leave me

picture

the dots in the corner

coloring the frame

it’s a wide space

where people never go

never stay

for long

for some reason i earn for the mountains

covered in frozen teardrops

that fell from the sky

it’s so unrealistic

and it has nothing to do with me

the dying white

of a place i’ve never been

but still my veins beat

and i dream.

feeling like

i wasn’t good enough

i wasn’t able

to hear anything at all

my fingers

clenched themselves

in front of the

problems on the shelf

i couldn’t align

anything anymore

when i started

floating away

and the sky above me

turned to gray

i didn’t let you

finish your sentence

i just wanted to find

a way to end this

but giving up

never crossed your mind

and with these

strong arms of yours

you held me

and looked me

in the eyes.