carpe diem

the old saying goes
if you don’t know
just enjoy it
everything will turn out fine

but maybe we won’t be fine
and the sky will fall on top of us
maybe we’ll trip over a rock
and the road will split

but i can’t think about it now
i can’t worry, you say,
so i try my best to stop myself
from trying to read the stars

so just come with me
even if our walk is clumsy
i will try my best not to let you fall
we’ve got at least this end

taken care of

hey

Hey guys, this is Andressa, the owner of this blog. I just want to pause and marvel at the beauty that you, reader, are. Thank you for reading my writing that I put here. I know that it doesn’t always make sense, or that sometimes it’s a little crazy. So I’m grateful to you, for you have inspired me to be better. 

And also, never forget who you are. We are more than just one thing. There is no one-word definition for us. 

Once again, thank you. 

Crystal clear (edited)

Another time,
Another day…
No!
This moment now
Is when comes change.
And hear the horses,
Speedily running,
Never stopping,
Like time itself,
Crystal clear…
Who are the people
That promised they
Would never change?
Take it back,
The winds of
Metamorphosis
Never go away…
So what now?
Each step is new
And time is growing
Even older.
Since the beginning,
I look in the mirror
And I can see
Crystal clear
And even if
The reflection is new,
And even if
The scene around me
Is not the same
As before, I know
There’s something inside
It’s the horses company
In the winds of time,
It doesn’t stop
But it’s permanent,
Forever bound to my soul
The essence
Will forever be
The same.

Originally written in September 14th 2014. Edited in May 11th 2017.

sun

rise
and with it
the light
floods me
completely

the dark
of the past
is away, far
from my head
from my heart

gone is the
black water
evaporated
by the heat
of the sun

in this moment
i forgive
myself
i forgive
you

in the midst
of a storm
retreat
to treat the
wounds

but after
when the sun
comes from
its hiding
rise again

do not stay
in the darkness
for too long
cry but let go
scream but let go

the warm light
will always
rise again
this is a certainty
you must know.

time out

i should explain
the reason why i’ve been
looking empty lately
it’s the least i can do

i love you
you know that
and i know that you love me too
and i understand why you would
not want to risk anything

however
it doesn’t hurt less
because to me it felt
like you said you would
not even try to make
this thing between us
work

and i’m unexperienced
naive and stupid
and somehow i believed – i hoped
– you would not think this way
but you did
and i bled
and the red stains the carpet
even now.

i guess something broke in me
the illusion died
the smile faded
i am never able to pretend
everything is 100%
fine

i was unfair
we’re still in the beginning
somehow i forgot that
so i’m sorry i dumped so many expectations
on top of you

but i won’t apologize
for the crazy thoughts
that went through my head
they are mine
the feelings
everything
has my name written all over it
so i won’t say i’m sorry for that.

so right now i just need some time
to organize what i’m feeling
to come to terms with reality
i don’t want to talk about it now
i’m still too hurt for that

so just give me time
and i’ll come back.

Anomie (edited)

The words on this paper
Are the only way I can
Speak about it

So many changes
So many doubts
So many possibilities
So many
Threats

I can’t let you go
But you would let me go
So easily
So readily
At the first sign of a storm

So many mixed signals
Make up your mind
Or you love me
Or you don’t
Don’t say it without meaning

I need you so much
I love you so much
I hate you so much

You don’t know
How much blood
You spilled from my heart
You don’t believe
You killed the dream
Was it only mine?
Were you out of it?
How can I believe the words
You said before?

I know it’s the truth
But your words
They hurt anyway

How can I ever trust you again?
How can I give myself to you
The way I wanted to
Ever again?

The only thing I wanted
Was for you to say
“We can try.”
But this never even
Was considered.

I can’t bring myself to care if I’m
Exaggerating
Or in the wrong

I just want to go back
And stop myself from
Putting so much trust
Putting so many expectation
On you.