Pilot

This is the end of a journey. We are now in a stage where all we can see is the night, pitch black, with only the moon to guide us as the sole light. We are almost at the top. The way was so rocky, just like we know it. But in our hearts, we all know it was worth it. All the suffering, all the crying, all the strength employed in this hike, all of it had a meaning, and it’s just so beautiful. Holding hands, we are all destined for something greater, for something that will launch us into a new world, a new view, a new sky… We will be free, finally. We will be able to live our lives the way we want it. 

But this is not just the end, and we know it. We are aware that there is a way much harder than before, waiting for us after this milestone. But just like a child filled with wonder, we will brave this way with curiosity. Just like an innocent child, we will look at the scorpion and think it pretty because it is shiny. And we’ll be disappointed, and sad, when things don’t go the way we expected. But we will heal and move on to even bigger things. We will transcend this reality that we were born in, and fly higher than ever before. We will win. 

So this is the end. But it’s also the pilot episode of this new season of our lives. 

I Love You

i’ve never felt this way before
never had a reason to fight
but you are the only exception
you make me want to rise to the challenge
i have always lived by myself
thinking i did not need someone else
but you came along and you melt
the ice around my heart
now i have a reason to keep going
i can not let you go easily
i am going to fight for you
even if it takes a thousand years
i will never give up on you.

Don’t give up

in the dark, you ask to see
but it seems like no one can
hear your desperate plea
so you want to give up
but there’s so many things
to consider so you can’t
let it go, you have to keep
running even if you can’t
see where you are going
just have faith that you will find
put your headphones on and ignore
the rest, just keep moving
forward without stopping
handle this weight like a
champion did once in the past
hold it like no one else can
for you, like you are protecting
innocents from having to do so
so keep putting one foot in front
of the other, in the dark
you asked to see but actually
you should ask for strength
to keep going.

This is me not giving up

You made the silence even more suffocating. But there was nothing I could do and, as you faded away, so did the day. 
But I can’t worry about that now. We’re in a race to the top, holding our breaths and waiting for the mountain to allow us to see the view. 

So I can’t stop to look for you now. 

But this is not the end, because I can’t let you go, at least not now, when I still hear the bells singing whenever I wake up. 

So it’s not now, but… Eventually it will be. 

And the view in front of us will be magnificent. 

stop

too much expectation
i don’t care anymore, i’ve been
weighted down one too many times
by those guilt filling eyes

so i’m gonna take my stuff
and i’m gonna gather my courage
to finally leave this place behind
to by my own rules live my life

i no longer care about what you think
because this is me, this is who i am
if you don’t like it, better leave
you wouldn’t change for me either

so the reason i’m leaving is this
my heart was broken and shattered
because i was trying to please
but none of that ever mattered

not to you, no, never even did
all you cared for was for someone
to fix you, but i’m broken myself
so i’m gonna put a stop to this.

dark trees

are you there?
are you okay?
do you want me
to leave?
please say
no

a lot of things happening around us
but you
stay hidden
behind the cover
behind the fog

the black forest
lays on top of me
darkness threatens
to overwhelm everything

please say something
please tell me
where is the wound
so i can heal

don’t be silent.

Full circle

I was looking at old photos again. It seems that, everytime something major in my life is changing, I get this urge to look at old pictures and compare that time with the present, and also imagine what it would be like to travel to the past and what I would change. I know I can’t go back and stop certain things from happening, or do things I wish I had done before. But this exercise makes me remember who I am now and why. Everything that I’ve been through.

Now as I’m in a phase of transformation, of endings, of begginings, I feel this urge more than ever. I often catch myself thinking about high school and the freshman year in college, meditating about all the people I’ve met and had to let go, and all the achievements I reached.

But today I feel differently… Like some of the things in my life have come full circle.

In the past, I always used to worry about being alone forever. Now I know I’m never going to be alone. Even if I end up living completely by myself, I’ll never be alone, because my friends and family will always stay in my heart. Their love will never leave me. The happy memories will also be here, they’re engravedĀ in the stars, never to disappear.

So now I’m feeling nostalgic and, at the same time, hopeful.

Here’s to tomorrow.